Dave Bautista's Secret Diary #3: The Animal Batista is bringing sexy back!

Full credit for this masterpiece is given to SurpriseElement of PWB!

Warning: You may become an avid follower of the Animal, Batista, after reading his personal journal.

Warning: This journal contains crude humor that may frighten or disturb you. I'm just kidding, gosh!

Warning: This journal contains terms that only a Wrestling Fan would know about. It's all good, right?

<3<3<3 6:30 p.m. <3 <3 <3

Hi ya'll! ^___^ This is Mickie James taking over Big Dave's blog for a while. For all of you women out there wondering about Batista ... there's a reason he's called Big Dave. It's not just his height...

Anyway, I wanted to speak out on the injustice of giving Ashley Massaro TWO Wrestlemania's in a row. I mean, does anyone remember the match I had with Trish at Wrestlemania 22? Was it that long ago? I'm not hurt or anything. Plus, this is my way of telling my fans that I am in fact, alive.

Either way, I'll be posting until Big Dave gives me a rematch. He's been running from me so much, I wonder when he will figure his laptop isn't with him.

Big Dave if you are out there breathing ... I will find you. And while basketballs don't hold grudges, this Diva does. If you don't give me a rematch ... I may have to pay Melina a visit ... or two.

8:45 p.m.

This is Big Dave, on Melina's laptop. It's all pink and smells like perfume. She's such a girl :P

Either way, Mickie, I see you have invaded Big Dave's Batista Blog. Not cool baby. You may have given me the best sex I've ever had. (Note to Melina best sex out of girls named Mickie James, K hun?) But that doesn't give you the right to request rematches anytime you want. That's Big Dave's territory.

So first, wait your turn, and second, get off my blog. I don't want to hurt you, but if we have a rematch ... in bed, I just may have to get counted out. IF you know I mean, ayyyy?

And I mean stopping in the middle of sex and walking out on you.

Big Dave

10:10 a.m.

Wrestlemania weekend, and The Animal is pumped. Mickie isn't in high spirits right now, because a fan had a seizure after meeting her. On a serious note, that's gotta suck. I've known a few people who deal with that every day, and it's not a laughing matter.

But...

I can't say I'm surprised. Mickie has that effect on people, including yours truly. In bed, there were literally moments when my life flashed before my eyes. On TV, she's a very energetic, hyper person, and the fans love it. In bed, she's a well ... Animal herself. I mean, once she gets going, no force on Earth (even Beth Phoenix, although I'd like to get her as well) can stop her. My thoughts go out to the young man, adn I hope he's okay.

And Mickie, if you are reading this, I hope you aren't too shaken up. The Animal has chosen you to be his Wrestlemania main course before the match against Umaga. Don't screw it up, or there will be consequences. Just kidding. Stay safe, and don't go psycho until you and I hook up.

Big Dave

http://www.wweshop.com/newimages/images/01081pi.jpg

5:30 p.m.

What a week huh? First, I want to call out that fat load named Umaga. A lot of people have contacting me about the finish, and if my finisher was a botch. Well, it was ... and I can tell you why : Umaga farted at the last second and the sheer force of the gas from his ample rear end threw me back and onto my keister. Of course, being the Animal, I found the RAW strength (hint hint) to slam the fat boy down anyhow, and pin him.

Also, people have been questioning me about staring at Shawn Michaels disapprovingly on RAW. I want to clear things up. It's not that I'm mad at Shawn ending Flair's career. You could clearly see his hesitation, especially at the end of the match. I was angry because he didn't give a shout out after the match to one Big Dave. I mean, I knew he just ended one of, if not the most storied careers in wrestling history, but he could grab the mic and say wassup Batista?

Geez, HBK. You really are selfish. I will expose you HBK. I will expose you.

Big Dave

7:07 a.m.

Smackdown is a fun place to be. I want everyone to know that. There are the occasional tiffs that happen, and arguments as to what should happen and who should go over. But, at the end of the day, we are one big happy family. In a few weeks, we are going overseas to Europe for a nice tour. 'm over everywhere I go, so it shouldn't be a problem for me. But, for the Superstars who get no reaction better be ready.

Foreign crowds are awesome, and they react just the way WWE wants them too. It's a wonder we don't go as much. I mean, WWE has all that money, couldn't we just go there every week?

Also, Mickie and I have parted ways. I just want to say to Mickie that there are no hard feelings (except those in my pants every time I think of you) and I hope we can meet on more amicable terms in the future.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a two on one handicap match with Melina and Jillian. Pray that I survive.

Big Dave

12:33 p.m.

You just know I got something to say about last night. Melina gets planted by Mickie, so I guess they're going at it again. If they should kiss and make up, Melina better give me a call so I can attend the affair >_>

Then, HBK comes in and totally calls me out. Little did he know that I'd already requested a match between us two. I didn't think it'd be at Backlash. I asked Regal why exactly it was scheduled for then and he something about saving money matches for pay per view. I mean, he's the GM, and he couldn't gotten me a match tonight?

Geez, some people are sooooo inconsiderate and selfish. Big Dave's not. Not in the least. Now if you'll excuse me, Melina's complaining about a headache. I'm still traversing her pit of danger. It doesn't have a headache.

Yet >_>

Big Dave

2:35 p.m.

Festus is one the strangest guys I've genuinely ever met. I mean, he stares right through you, and doesn't even answer a question. But, when I heard of his condition I felt sorry. Not just for him, but for Jesse. Sorry about the fractured ribs Jesse ol buddy. >_>

http://thumbnail.search.aolcdn.com/truveo/images/thumbnails/70/D0/70D05C40A934F6A7F9619B.jpg

On a side note : That. That is the face of a guy who just got SPEAR'D. X F'N D! I crack myself up sometimes. Check that.

All the time.

Big Dave

10:25 p.m.

Just came from the house show tonight. Undertaker and I beat Edge and Big Show. There weren't any titles on the line, which is probably why Big Taker wants a piece of me after I speared him tonight. I was in the Batista Zone and when I saw the guy who held the title, I just had to attack. Sorry Mark. I know you'll want your rematch >_>

BIg Show is no longer the Big Slow either. He can move and looks to be in great shape. He's inspired me ... to never get so fat that I actually have to diet <_<

Victoria was looking mighty frisky tonight after the Diva came back form the ring after the bikini contest. I was about to talk to her until I noticed her on the cell phone. Upon closer inspection I found out she was talking to ... John Morrison. The Shaman of Stupid.

On a side note, why do women give you a strange look when you walk up on them when they are talking on the phone? I'm Big Dave. If I coming to meet you, stop whatever you are doing, because I am busy, and I will interrupt you.

Either way, I asked not to be booked with Undertaker, but they just laughed at me and told me the only other people available were Mark Henry or Big Daddy V.

Taker it is.

Big Dave

10:37 p.m.

I want to address someone out there who seems to be under the illusion that they are me. First of all, Big Dave KNOWS who Big Dave is. And since Big Dave knows who Big Dave is ... he also knows who isn't Big Dave.

Dave Bautista says this ... much like Melina's, Mickie's and Jillian's ... your backside will be exposed. Only this time I'm not penetrating ... I'm just going to make sure that you never impersonate Big Dave again. I have lawyers and I will sue you.

And I don't mean that in an innuendo - laced way either. I just want your money. And ... >_> your wife or girlfriend ... that is ... if you have one. And if not, then just make one up so I can sex her <_<

Big Dave.

http://www.mmamuscle.com/images/undertaker-PT.jpg

11:05 p.m.

Taker was SUPER pissed tonight. Not only did I flatten him at a house show, but it seems Michelle McCool is not giving it up either. Double trouble for anyone facing him. At the last minute, Edge's foot got run over by a car tire, although he looked a bit too eager for it to happen, as I saw one of the Eggheads jump into the car and start driving at Edge as he was motioning towards him and saying "DRIVE FASTER STUPID!!!!

Either way, yours truly got the Deadman, and boy did Taker ever let me have it. I was seeing stars, the nebula and the freaking Milky Way. The end saw me get Tombstoned - right on top of my head. No protection - nothing. I would be pissed, but ... Michelle's kind of waiting on me right now. >_>

That means ... FUN ... IN ... SHEETS ^___^

And by that, I mean sex. I feel the need to clear that up sometimes.

Big Dave

5:30 a.m.

Taker, you can have Michelle back. We didn't even have match. She just kept going on and on and on about "Loving Life" and all the good time you and she had together. Usually, I'd ignore her and go for the bra, but I was too busy covering my ears. When you're in bed with Batista you're doing one of two things : Sexing him ... or sexing him HARD. There are no other options.

I mean, I know she loves life, but can't she love The Animal while she's at it?

A man has got his needs.

Big Dave

http://www.caledoniacalling.com/uploaded_images/bigmac-750484.jpg

10:23 a.m.

Wow, it's been over a month, and Big Dave has stuck with his blog. You've been with me through good, bad and the pits of danger, and I just want to say ... stay with me. Leave, and you will regret it.

Just kidding. Thanks for stopping by every once in a while and seeing what one of the top stars in the WWE is doing.

On a side note : We are returning to the states over the weekend, and hopefully I can get some shut eye. I've barely been able to sleep with the jetlag and the constant women with strange body odors and bad teeth. They almost made me long for women like Nicole Bass.

People in Europe have obviously never even heard of deoderant either. God, it smelled like raw meat run over by a garbage truck wrapped in a day old McDonalds Big Mac box. I mean, have you ever smelled something so bad, that it made you angry instead of sick to your stomach?

Great, now I'm pissed off again. Have fun, be safe and get some girls ... so I can sex them >_>

Big Dave

Until next time,

Gnarfard.

gnarfard.com is owned and operated by one person

Thanks goes to Kredittkort Penger and Kredittkort for the Web Hosting!

this site is best viewed on an 800 x 600 screen resolution

all trademarks and copyrights belong to their original owners

all website content is copyright claimed intellectual property of gnarfard.com unless otherwise specified

�2008 Team Gnarfard. All rights are reserved. No content may be used without prior written consent.

Team Gnarfard - Responsible Blogging at its Finest!

batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus, batista, chris jericho, bringing sexy back, wwe divas, melina, the animal, big show, PWB, mickie james, big dave, raw, hbk, wrestling history, storied careers, flair, wwe , wwe superstars, superstars, backlash, regal, festus