Dave Bautista's Secret Diary #5: Rey Mysterio is not Fat!

Full credit for this masterpiece is given to SurpriseElement of PWB!

Warning: You may become an avid follower of the Animal, Batista, after reading his personal journal.

Warning: This journal contains crude humor that may frighten or disturb you. I'm just kidding, gosh!

Warning: This journal contains terms that only a Wrestling Fan would know about. It's all good, right?

3:23 p.m.

Once again ... Big Dave is bloggin, and I gotta say I've been having a lot of fun with it. I have to thank the person who introduced me to it. My girl Melina. she said since there some time in between our matches, I should find something to do while be both cool off.

She told me to go to the laptop and just start typing what I felt. I started typing, but I didn't realize that you had to have a program open to do so. She opened Word for me, and by that time, Big Dave was ready. We went at it about three more times before she wobbled back to the computer and opened up a blogspot account for me.

And the rest is history. So, I know what you're wondering : Big Dave, how do you manage to do it all? Bang Melina, workout, wrestle, make appearances?

And my answer is this : Get off your computers and go get some fresh air.

Just kidding. stay online and keep refreshing my page to see my next entry. Or I will expose your - Melina's ready! ^____^

Big Dave

9:45 p.m.

I know you've been waiting for Big Dave to drop by and give you some more of that bloggin goodness. Smackdown was taped earlier actually, and SD adn ECW will be going ot Australia and New Zeland. I'm not a big fan of both places, since the women there, much like the EuroChicks (like that? Yep, Big Dave knows how to word it up if he has too) who has a disdain for deoderant.

Anyway, I beat Khali and I face Edge at NoC (that's Night of Champions for you uninformed). Hopefully, I can win, go over, fire Edge and rehire Taker. Just kidding you marks... I hate Taker. Notr really. Maybe I do.

I just got news that Taker will be on the tour, because of Big Show's injury. Stupid Big Show. Who told you to get injured? Great. Now Taker steals all the thunder ... down under.

Speaking of which, I hope Melina can come along and ditch all these fights she's in. I mean, I love her fight, but does she have to chose Beth Phoenix of all people? WTF? Geez, at least beat down Ashley or Maria.

Then Big Dave can come in and comfort them.

I mean with sex. Just need to clear it up.

Big Dave

http://www.mynews.in/images/47a29288-b5bc-4827-916f-4cded0e0a818khali%20and%20ashley--400--1.jpg

Posted 5/6/2008
9:45 a.m.

Big Dave here, and I watched RAW last night. HBK once again is playing up his knee, but I can tell when someone is faking it. And the more I see him limping and hobbling around, the more it makes me want to punch him in the face. It's bad enough he has a hot wife, but now he has everyone's attention with this fake knee injury.

Like I said on Smackdown, if HBK isn't really hurt, then he should be very worried. Very worried. There are very few promises that I haven't kept, but this is sure to be one. HBK will be hurt. By me. Big Dave.

So, what happens? I beat Michaels within an inch of his pathetic life. And than for good measure, Y2J, who's also been on the end of some Sweet Chin Music, put his head through the Jeritron 5000. I mean, Jericho has the Jeritron, can't Big Dave have something? Like his wife?

Either way, we're having fun, and I managed to find some women who didn't smell like feet. not surprisingly, they were from America, land of the Febreeze and the home of bathtubs. Heh. I made another joke. I had to point that out because some (read : most) of you wouldn't have gotten it.

And by that, I mean the joke. With Taker back for his farewell tour (read : until November), McCool is off limits, but Eve is back ready for more.

And by that I mean sex. Clearing it up once again.

Big Dave.

http://www.wrestlingrevealed.com/images/2/mike-knox.jpg

6:57 p.m.

I just had another funny thought...

Actually, It's still Mike Knox.

Heh.

Big Dave

3:45 p.m.

Big Dave is officially back on RAW! After serving my three year jail sentence (LOL), I'm back to the place Big Dave built. And, I guess Cena, HBK and Trips had a little to do with it too...

Speaking of Cena, he and I are on the same brand for the first time in a while. You'll remember that in the 2005 Draft, both he and I were on the same brand as World Champs (kind of like Edge and Triple H are now) until I moved to Smackdown.

So now, both Cena and I are sort of debating who is the leader of the brand should we win (well, I know I'll win, not sure about Cena). I say it depends on who wins their title first. That's why I've pushed to start the show out with Edge so I can win and be the number one guy on RAW.

Also, Rey Rey is coming over to RAW now for the first time, so it's my turn to introduce him to the folks and let him get used to being on live TV on a consistent basis ever since WCW folded. He's actually been laying off the chalupas and his wife has been exercising with him so he can look great in HD.

Rey, wherever you are, keep working : The cameras don't lie. Fat JBL has learned this the hard way. But, Rey isn't fat. He's short.

http://m.gmgrd.co.uk/res/695.$plit/C_71_article_1021513_image_list_image_list_item_0_image.jpg

There is a difference.

Big Dave.

Until next time,

Gnarfard.

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