Sometimes I just have to self-affirm to myself that I am a good guy, because in the midst of society and all the crap high schoolers go through on a daily basis, you need to find some trick to be able to cope with all the stress and hatred of the world.
It's been a good three years 'since I last had a hearty crying. I shrugged it off as something that just got in my eye, but from the very reservoirs of my soul came something more, something inspiring. In my three years in High School I have classified myself as being a martyr, a saint, a victim, a predator, a warrior, a coward, an adult and a kid.
We have to adapt to the harsh cruelties of the world. Sometimes the shock is simply too much, and we cannot adapt to the cruel world. We become, in a sense, Shellshocked. Shellshocked to the point where we cannot face the world anymore. It is a cycle. Vicious, ever-turning, cruel. The swinging blades of the Spartans had no remorse for their enemies, and neither does the world. If we cannot adapt to the world, then what becomes of us? What becomes of us is that we become victims of the world, and as victims we need to adopt fake personas in order to deal with the harsh mistress that we call society.
You can't live without society, unless you want to be a hermit; in case you want to be a hermit then you'll eventually become a crazy person... of there are three main things that will make you crazy; learn these things to avoid becoming a hermit!
1) It is said that a total and absolute absence of love is what makes a person evil. Well I say that a total absense of society is what makes people turn crazy. Society is not perfect, hell it objectifies women to the point of utter mental annihalation. It makes the top echilon of society a specific class of people: "hot", "sexy", "tight bod", "intelligent", "funny". All of these words come to mind, but when a person has to live up to those kinds of expectations, they see themselves as not worthy. Their mind starts to degrade.
2) Total and absolute rejection by society. I say that being rejected by not only friends, but old people, peers, teachers, everyone! That is what will turn a person into a crazy man. Once you have been labeled as "weird" or "not normal", that idea will remain in people's heads. They will look at you differently. Outside of the little High School bubble, being labeled as different may not be so bad, but when you have to spend day after waking day with the people that have labeled you as different... then you're pretty much screwed.
3) I say that my second and third idea intertwine, because they're pretty much the same things. I think that being labeled as different is bad enough, but then people will start hating and ragging on you because you're different. It's like a downward spiral, and once you've been started on the spiral, then you're screwed from the get-go. The totally absurd hatred will accumulate, and after the four years you'll probably have a tainted view of society. All because of the cultural & social bullshit that High School students endure.
I am so sad. I'm excelling in academics, but i'm totally failing in the social area. I have friends. Sometimes I just need to tell myself that I am a cool guy, because really once I look back on all the things i've done in High School... I can see myself as a two-sided spectrum. On one hand, I am a saint. I open doors for people, propping 'em open with a hearty smile and hello. Sometimes I offer my food to hungry people, namely friends.
On the other hand I am a villain. I can't count how many girls have flung themselves open-heartedly at me. I wish that I was not a pretty boy. So that I would not have to subject myself, throw myself at the hands and feet of the entire High School population. Once you've been labeled as the hot guy in school, you're pretty much doomed. Either you find a hot girlfriend and become accepted into the High School "society", or you remain a bachelor, and find yourself lonely and confused and sad because you're rejecting all of these hot & nice girls, just because you want to be with the one girl that isn't interested in you. Bummer.
You find yourself obligated to smile and charm every girl that is attracted to you. I hate being a pretty boy so much. I truly do. Due to my pretty boy status, literally every female is in my reach. Literally every male is pissed that I am getting all this attention from females. Literally every person in the school is connected to me in some way, because of my attention from females. All this attention has me feeling trapped. I've been called names out of jealousy, "asian penis", "fat", "womanizer". A total broad spectrum of name-calling, but out of all this attention from women and dudes too... there is only one girl I truly like and she won't even talk to me. She won't even look at me anymore.
Being beautiful is truly a hard thing. I wish I could just gain my 40 pounds back and kick this whole pretty boy lifestyle out of my life. But... then again... No turning back now!
